The meaning of ‘shame’

I thought I should write about that. Just to warn anyone thinking about sugaring.

Mind you, this is only my personal experience and you may have a completely different story, but I feel like I need to let you know about this.

Having a man who you agreed some allowance with, gives him some kind of power. Yes, this is always a mutual agreement and yes, you can always opt out (which I think is very important), but while you both are in this position, do keep in mind that he is likely to think of you as of his possession of some sort.

NB! I am not talking here about him being rude or aggressive or anything of that kind. Should this happen – run away and call the police immediately.

What I experienced is the strange feeling that is triggered by our mutual (although unsaid) agreement that he is superior and I am there to sharpen his brilliance and to make him feel great. I agree, this is what we meet for. He wants to feel admired, to have a beauty next to him, to have a great sex and to feel comfortable.

With all that in mind we all behave so that I often feel exposed. I try to dress properly and neither of my men asks for transparent dress with no underwear, but it is still a feeling of being shown off.

It is very different when it happens in public or in private. I do not mind being sexy in all possible means and if they want me to wear something special I will be glad to do so when we are alone. There were times, when I shocked the room boy to appear barely dressed in front of him. In fact I even like that. This is the exact feeling of a man (not the room boy) being totally in your power. Aroused and straightforwardly directed…

But it it different in public. Maybe I am just not exhibitionist enough. Or it comes with time… But even though I am dressed and there are no nipples pointing out through the dress, I often feel as if everyone around can see me naked. The glances I mention, the tone of voice in the conversations around – they all make me feel as if all the discussions around are about me in the most understandable context.

I know it is a bit paranoid. And I also know I am wrong suspecting people to only think about me. Still I cannot get rid of this feeling. Not that it makes me mad – I do not care much, but it adds the nervousness to take control of.



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